Secretly Mated (Ouachita Mountain Shifters 4) Read online

  Well, fuck. He’d really jammed her up this time.

  “Look, can you just give me some pointers here? I need her to, you know, feel something when she looks at me.”

  “Owyn, I…”

  He waited. It wasn’t easy, asking Tana for help with his love life, and he could imagine it wasn’t easy for her to know the right thing to say. It was a rushed swing at a bad ball that could end in a strike out.

  Her long sigh registered over the line. “The only thing I know to do is… is what worked for me and Surge. You gotta let her see more of you.”

  Owyn’s shoulders sank. This wasn’t the advice he was looking for.

  “You mean like, physically more of me? Like, be around her more? Spend more time together? What are we talking about here, Tana?”

  “Yes, that. But also let her see more of your heart. Show her who you are inside.”

  Owyn considered Tana’s words. Show her who you are. That’s what his panther told him so many years ago. And he’d tried that.

  But he’d been a different person back then and so had Doc. Maybe their time was now. Maybe who he was in this moment was exactly what she needed.

  He just had to show her.

  “Owyn? You there?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m here. I think I can do this, Tana. I think I can show her the real me. I’m at least going to try.”

  She was quiet for several beats. “You and Doc,” she said, sounding awestruck. “I doubt a union could make me happier. I know she’d be good for you. And Owyn?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’d be good for her too.”

  He stared at the hardwood floor beneath his feet while emotion clogged his throat. He wanted to believe that. And it meant the world to him hearing it come from Tana’s lips. But most of all he wanted Doc to believe it.

  “Thank you.” He forced the words past the lump in his throat.

  She cleared hers, like maybe she was getting emotional too. And with that, it was time to go. He and Tana didn’t do the mushy stuff, even if they’d each give their life for the other.

  “Catch ya later, Romeo,” she said. “And good luck. It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Maybe good ‘ol Cupid can help you out.”

  Owyn smiled to himself. He was going to need all the luck he could get.

  ***

  Doc entered her alarm code to arm the door to the spa and then shut it, checking to make sure it latched.

  Her short shift hadn’t been busy. She’d only had one massage appointment and an acupuncture procedure. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t bomb-ass starving.

  Bad day to skip lunch.

  She hurried down the corridor to the kitchen. It wasn’t too late. Eagan or Bailey would still be around doing the after dinner clean up. And there were always leftovers. She’d just grab a little—or a lot—and take it back to her cabin. Eating alone in the dining room sucked. Too big and open.

  Cutting through the lobby, she could see the lights to the dining area were already turned off. She glanced at the clock behind the registration desk. Barely 7pm. Where was everybody?

  She tiptoed through the darkened room because it seemed necessary with the nothing-but-moon lighting. It made the place feel quiet and secretive.

  The dimmest stream of light shone through the round window of the door that separated the dining area and the kitchen. Doc eased it open, expecting to find the place empty as well.

  Instead, she found Owyn.

  It took her breath away, knowing he was right there, and remembering the way he’d left her earlier. With the evidence of their secret right out in the open.

  He was seated at the counter, a plate in front of him and another plate across. Two settings, complete with wine goblets and cloth napkins. One for him and one for...?

  Doc stepped inside and his head jerked around to face her. Quickly, he stood, causing the stool to squeal against the tiled floor.

  “I knew you’d be hungry after work,” he rushed out before she could say anything. “Eagan made uh…” He reached up to scratch his ear. “What did he call it? Well, I dunno. It’s chicken with some kind of sauce and it goes on top of the pasta. Said it goes good with this wine.”

  The extra setting was for her?

  Doc approached as Owyn lifted the lid from the platter and began dishing delicious smelling food onto both plates. Then he came around the counter and pulled her stool out just enough for her to slide on.

  “What is this?” she laughed, unable to make herself sit.

  Owyn shrugged, pouring her drink. “Just dinner.”

  Just dinner? This was all off. He hadn’t been himself since he’d returned from Cedar Valley. She couldn’t help feeling like something bad was coming. Dread worked its way through her chest until she could finally ask the hard question.

  “Is something wrong?”

  Owyn frowned, taking a drink of his wine before he answered. “No. Why would you think that?”

  “I don’t know.” She kept her voice low, nearly a whisper. “You didn’t seem yourself today. And then this. We don’t share dinner. Someone might notice.”

  “I don’t give a fuck,” he snapped.

  Doc stared at him, trying to understand. “Did something happen with Tana? Or the pack?”

  “Yes, but that’s not what this is about.”

  “Tell me. Is she okay? Surge? Gracie?” If anything happened to Tana or her family—

  “Doc.” His voice was dominant and her cougar jerked to attention. “They’re fine, okay? I just wanted to have dinner with you. Now, please. Sit.” His gaze was unsure even if his tone was commanding.

  “They’re really okay?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  Doc breathed a sigh of relief, her shoulders sinking. She slid onto the stool, still not sure what this was, but glad it didn’t mean anything bad.

  “You had me worried,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “Where is everybody? The kitchen isn’t usually empty this early.”

  “I don’t know. Mason was here earlier, helping Eagan and Bailey clean up.”

  Wait…

  “Have you been here long?”

  His eyes flicked to his plate. “I wasn’t sure when you’d be done and I didn’t want to miss you.”

  He’d planned this, even though he knew everyone would see. What did that mean? Doc’s heart pounded as her thoughts ran wild with possibilities.

  He’d left his scent on her earlier, and even though her animal reveled in it, she’d brushed it off as a rushed mistake on his part. But he’d known—they’d both known—others would notice.

  She didn’t know what to make of this.

  “Eat,” he urged.

  Doc cut a bite of chicken, twirling it on the fork with some noodles while she tried to calm her nerves. She snuck a glance at Owyn as she took her first bite.

  He’d showered and shaved since she’d seen him last, and he was dressed in a fresh t-shirt and jeans. His hat was gone, and she was glad. Normally he wore it so low over his brow, it hid his eyes. Now she could see them clearly.

  “Do you remember….” He hesitated, a frown forming between his brows. “Do you remember when you learned we were mates?”

  Doc let out a small laugh at the memory. “Of course I remember.”

  “It was in a kitchen like this.”

  She nodded. “But much, much smaller. Cleaver’s little kitchen was a cracker box compared to Eagan’s.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “Wasn’t much space to run, was there?”

  Doc laughed full out. “I was so afraid of you back then. If there had been any space I probably would’ve just ricocheted around like a stray bullet until something solid made me stop.”

  Owyn finished chewing his bite.

  “One of those gnarly bears probably.”

  “Probably,” Doc agreed. “I wonder what those two are up to these days.”

  “Still working at Cleaver’s I suspect.”

  Silence danced betwe
en them as they ate. It was beautiful, like the lake when it was at peace. So simple and sweet, it sent a ribbon of contentment through her heart.

  Owyn caught her gaze over their plates.

  “Are you afraid of me now?”

  His voice was so quiet, and his eyes so intimate, she felt exposed by his question. And the answer really seemed to matter to him. Like he was hanging onto the last spoken word and her response was the safety net he’d fall to when she answered.

  “No,” she whispered, giving him the faintest smile. “I’m not afraid of you, Owyn.”

  He let out the breath he was holding, his shoulders sagging like a weight had been lifted.

  “Good,” he said softly. His tone made her insides tumble as he reached across the counter and brushed his thumb over her cheek. “I meant what I told you that night. About never harming my female.”

  The only time he’d been so gentle with her was when they were intimate. Every other encounter, they were just Doc and Owyn, clanmates. For the first time, she felt like more.

  It was a dangerous thing to feel, but right now she couldn’t care. This moment seemed too important.

  “I don’t like it when you’re away,” she murmured, unable to keep her feelings hidden when he was touching her like this.

  “You don’t?”

  Doc shook her head. “It makes me…” Her hand went to her stomach without thought, rubbing at the dull ache there. “It makes my animal uneasy when you’re gone. I feel lost.”

  Some emotion flickered in Owyn’s eyes. “I feel the same way.”

  She breathed another breath of relief. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” he whispered, his gaze digging deep into hers. “I won’t go away anymore. Never worry about it again, Doc.”

  She cocked her head. “But… you can’t do that.”

  “Sure I can. Tana can visit here. And Renner and Ryan can take the jobs that are away.”

  Doc forked another bite of her dinner. “I don’t think that’s the answer.”

  “Then what is?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, pausing to chew. “But you can’t alter your whole life because I can’t stomach this… this… whatever this is. Damn it, I’m stronger than this. I’m a big girl with the lacey panties to prove it. Sorry I mentioned it.”

  “Don’t,” he gritted, and then gulped his drink. “Don’t say you’re sorry for feeling something.” His voice faded away to practically nothing. “Not when I’ve waited so long to hear it.”

  Doc stared at him, but he was focused on his plate, gripping his fork so tight his knuckles were white.

  “What does that mean exactly?”

  It seemed like forever before he answered. “Promise you won’t run,” he whispered. “Promise if I tell you, if I show you all of me… you won’t run.”

  The dread Doc felt earlier returned. Why would she run from him when she’d just confessed how hard it was to be apart?

  Unless… unless she didn’t know him the way she thought she did. Maybe Owyn was different than the rest of the males in their clan. Maybe he’d decided he didn’t want monogamy anymore, and that’s what this dinner was about. Letting her down easy. Breaking their agreement honorably instead behind of her back. Not letting her go apparently, but letting her down.

  Shit. The sick ache inside came back a hundredfold.

  “I can’t promise that.” He lifted his troubled gaze to stare at her. “But I think it’s time we were both honest with each other. What’s this dinner about, Owyn?”

  “I can’t tell you, Doc. For this to work, I have to show you.” He stood, pushing the stool back. “Are you finished eating?”

  She couldn’t eat another bite even if she wanted to. “Yes.”

  Coming around the counter, he held out his hand for her. “Leave your plate. I’ll clean it up later.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere special.”

  Doc frowned up at him. “Owyn, I don’t think sex is a good idea right now.”

  She took his hand and he pulled her to a stand, bringing her all the way against his chest.

  “Would that be special?”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat and met his burning gaze. “For me, it is.”

  There. The words were out there. She couldn’t be any more direct than that. What they had, meant something to her, and now he knew it.

  Squeezing her close, he rumbled, “Sweet mate, I’m not having sex with you. Not until we figure out this shit between us.” His thumb running along her bottom lip stole her breath. “But the next time I have you, I promise, it won’t be anything like the first time, Christina. Or any of the times since. It will be so. Much. More.”

  Owyn had promised her many things throughout the years. From their first meeting to the time they’d agreed to be an outlet for each other’s needs, to this. Every time, there’d been a ring of truth to his voice. As if his oath was manifested on a sound wave that triggered a place inside her that believed him.

  He’d never broken a promise to her.

  Somehow, she knew this one wouldn’t be any different.

  Chapter Seven

  Doc let Owyn pull her through the lobby and out the front doors, aware that someone might see them. It gave her a thrill. Like they were doing something naughty. But getting caught wouldn’t be so bad. In fact, it was nice to not be shushed and hidden anymore.

  It was equally her idea to hide their friends-with-benefits situation. It had been necessary when the no-mating pact was in effect. People would have mistaken their relationship for a real mating. Which would have caused trouble among the clan.

  But these last few months, Doc had grown to want more. If she peeled back the layers of her heart, she’d wanted more for a long time. But it was different when she knew she couldn’t have it. When more would’ve meant losing her place among the clan. When it would’ve meant losing family for Owyn.

  Outside, the cool February night was dark. A black canvas for the pin-pricks of light the stars created. The outdoor lanterns were lit and their dim glow marked the way toward the footbridge that crossed a small part of Lake Haven.

  Owyn didn’t release her hand as they made for the bridge, winding down the stone path. At the top, where it arched directly over the center of the water, he stopped. Doc braced her hands on the rail and looked over the side. The lake was calm tonight.

  His arms came around from behind as he placed his hands on the rail beside hers. She was locked into place, and his body surrounding her while they stared out at the water made her feel so safe.

  “Do you remember why this is special?” he husked near her ear.

  Her breath hitched. “Yes.”

  Just like it was yesterday, it all came back to her…

  ***

  Back then…

  Christina looked out over the lake, pressing a hand to her chest in hopes of stopping the shaking behind her sternum.

  She’d been at Lake Haven three months and already she was in love with the place.

  And the people.

  She’d made quick friends with the potty-mouthed Layna. Smiley Eagan could cook up anything her heart desired. Renner and Mason were good with their hands and didn’t shy away from the lady guests. Although they both had traits of typical males of her species, they’d taken the oath not to mate and seemed devoted to respecting the women in their lives. And Magic… well, he was rough around the edges but it didn’t take a Sherlock to know he was a decent man.

  Owyn hadn’t been lying when he described his clan. They were different. And she had found a home here.

  So had Tana. The female was training under Owyn and Renner to help with construction and repairs around the lodge. She’d had her choice of jobs, and she picked the one that made her feel the most strong. Her recovery was impressive.

  Christina took a deep breath of clear mountain air, but the shaking became worse. Oh, she knew what was wrong. She was a doctor after all, and one who’d treated this condition b
efore.

  Drugs could help a little, but the real cure was distance.

  Distance from her mate.

  She might’ve considered this before she decided to come with Owyn and Tana to the lodge. But at the time, it hadn’t seemed like she’d be afflicted.

  The problem was, Owyn was everything he’d promised to be. His heart was gold. Every day she witnessed how he cared for each of his clanmates. How his gaze seemed to evaluate their well-being and when it wasn’t quite up to par, he stepped in to make life better. And most surprising, he’d never once overstepped the boundaries she’d put in place.

  He was as dedicated to not mating as the rest of the clan. And as she was now. She’d never been more relieved to enter into a pact in her life. It wasn’t trapping her. It was freeing her.

  Or so she’d thought. Until now.

  Her bitch of a cat was fighting her hard, and the only thing she knew to do was… leave. Leave beautiful Lake Haven and its beautiful people.

  Footsteps thumped along the bridge but she didn’t make to move. Eventually, they came to a stop beside her.

  “Everything okay, Doc?” The voice was low, rumbling along her spine, which only made the shaking worse.

  She turned to face Owyn. The bill of his ball cap fell so low she could only see his bottom eyelids. This was new, she gathered, by the way people had commented on it.

  “I noticed you up here,” he said quickly. “Just thought I’d check.”

  He backed away slowly as if he thought she’d seen him as a threat. He must’ve noticed the way she trembled.

  “Stay,” she blurted, and he froze. “We should talk.”

  After a moment, he came to stand beside her, his hands hanging over the rail casually. They both stared at the water instead of each other.

  “Nobody knows about us, do they? About what we are?”

  “No.”

  “Not even Magic?”

  Owyn hesitated. “I couldn’t tell him. No one needs to know but us.”

  Christina stared at her hands. They fluttered like leaves and her cougar purred inside, urging her to act on instinct.

  She hated being ruled by her cat. Despised it. Maybe this is how so many males of her kind felt too. Especially the ones like Owyn who needed to be noble.