A Mate's Denial: Read online

  She’d finally found someone who she connected with, who made her feel good, really good, and now…

  Well, it didn’t matter because he wasn’t coming back. He’d probably just told her that so his leaving wouldn’t be awkward. Kerrigan smacked her forehead with her hand. Of course. He was polite. He wouldn’t just up and leave. He’d promise to be back. Like effing Arnold Schwarzenegger. And just like the Terminator, he wouldn’t.

  Her shoulders sank. Damn.

  Staring into the cabinet was even more depressing. Going home like this sucked. Sure, Braeh was ecstatic, and her dad hadn’t seemed upset by the idea. She’d only had to listen to one I-told-you-so this time. Surely, he was saving the majority of them for when she was trapped in Alaska. But for Kerrigan, it felt like admitting failure. It felt like reaching so far for something, catching it, and then letting it slip from your fingers. It felt like a bad dream she couldn’t crawl out of.

  She slammed the cabinet closed and went into the living room. Boxes littered the floor. The apartment was in disarray, half-packed and all hot mess. Her flight left in seven days. She had exactly seven days to pack up her entire life and ship it to the top of the continent.

  Instead of landing on the couch, where she wanted to sulk, she started yanking books off the shelf and shoving them in one of the many boxes. Hours passed while she cleared the shelf and her desk, and she came to a conclusion: It was better that Trager the Bastard didn’t come back. Nothing short of a job offer could stop her from going to Alaska. At least this way, she wouldn’t have to explain things to him.

  Yes, this was the silver lining to a cloud called “Dreamy Lickable Dude Doesn’t Call Back”.

  Kerrigan was sitting on her floor, sorting through pictures, when there was a quiet knock on the door. A glance at the clock told her it was nearly ten. It was probably Mrs. Marley. She liked to do late night baking, and sometimes ran out of ingredients. Kerrigan’s kitchen was the only thing open at this late hour.

  Walking to the door, she stubbed her toe on a box. “Sh—“ she stopped herself from cursing for Mrs. Marley’s sake. She was the sweetest old lady, and Kerrigan didn’t want to upset her.

  She hobbled the rest of the way to the door, and swung it open without looking, focused on her wounded toe instead.

  “Hey.” The soft, gruff voice froze her. “You okay?”

  Kerrigan turned to see the face that had been invading every thought for the past four days. Her mouth went dry, but she managed to squeak out a “yes”.

  He looked like a dream-come-true, with his hair hanging loose over his forehead, and his leather jacket open to reveal the t-shirt pulled tight over his chest. Kerrigan knew she looked like crap: frizzy hair, dingy yoga pants, holey shirt… no bra. Oh, god. This was not good.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure.” She turned and left the door for him to close. “I should probably go change. If you’ll just give me a second. Have a seat if you want. There’s coffee in the kitchen if you need—“

  “What is all this?”

  She turned to see his troubled expression. “I’m just packing.”

  “Packing? For what?” He’d stopped in his tracks, back as stiff as a rail.

  “I’m moving. My job was eliminated, and I can’t find another one, so…”

  He stood there staring at her, as if he couldn’t comprehend her words. His face kept shifting from angry to confused to sad.

  “Moving… away?”

  She nodded.

  “To where?”

  Kerrigan looked away. “I’m going home. To Alaska.”

  “Alaska?” His voice boomed, making her flinch. He looked like all the air had been sucked out of him with that one word.

  “Yes. Alaska.”

  “When?”

  “Next Thursday.”

  “When were you going to tell me?” His voice was accusatory, but his face contained so much sadness, it was hard to look at. Kerrigan didn’t understand it. What the hell did he have to be sad about? He was the one who hadn’t kept his promise. Except, now he had.

  “Whenever you decided to come back, I guess,” she snapped out of frustration. “It’s not like I had your phone number, or even realized you might care what I did with my life.”

  He was completely silent, glaring, as seconds ticked by. Kerrigan wanted to scream. What was this? First, she doesn’t hear from him for days, then he shows up, acting mad/sad/crazy with zero explanation. They both needed a breather.

  “I’ll be back in a minute, okay, and we’ll talk. I’m going to change my clothes.”

  Kerrigan turned toward her bedroom, but was stopped by three growled words: “Don’t. You. Dare.”

  ***

  Trager was overcome with emotions, and none of them were good. His mate was leaving? Moving to a place more than halfway across the continent. The mere idea of her being so far out of his reach had him in a full-blown panic. His wolf wasn’t helping either. He wanted out, wanted to mark her, claim her, so she couldn’t get away.

  She couldn’t move now. Not when they hadn’t even had a chance to see what would happen between them.

  The most horrifying thing was, this was just a taste of what would happen in the future. This feeling, this wretched aching in his bones, it was a mere hint of what would happen if she completely rejected him.

  He had to think. Had to find a way to make her stay.

  In the past, when Trager was faced with an impossible situation, he’d relied on his animal instinct. It hadn’t failed him yet. There was only one thing to do.

  Stalking to her, he watched her eyes widened and lips part. His arms went around her, at the same time his mouth crushed hers in a terror-fueled kiss. Her taste was divine. Just as he remembered, but made all the more sweeter by the way she melted against him, her curves pressed against his hard planes.

  Her thin, hole-riddled shirt was the only thing separating him from the body he’d been dreaming about. When she’d opened the door, the first thing he’d noticed was her breasts… and the fact that there was no bra. God.

  He ran his hands down her back, finding the hem of her shirt. His lips worked hers slowly, firmly, as his thumb slid underneath her shirt to find her smooth skin. His hand went higher and higher, committing the sensation of her softness to memory. Just in case…

  No. He wouldn’t think like that.

  He brought his hand to her hip, squeezing, kneading her flesh, before traveling upward to her ribs.

  Kerrigan gasped and pulled away. “Not there,” she said, breathless. “You don’t want to touch there.”

  Trager frowned. “I want to touch everywhere.”

  She shook her head, pulling him back to her mouth. While her hands tunneled through his hair, he continued his exploration, one hand gripping her ass, the other heading north under her shirt. He could have ripped the thing off by now, but there was something exquisitely erotic about this slow, deliberate, almost accidental discovery.

  His hand on her breast stopped their kiss. Kerrigan’s breath caught. Trager stared into her eyes as his thumb rubbed slowly across her nipple. He felt it harden and tighten. Her teeth came down on her bottom lip, clearly holding back a moan. He didn’t want her holding back.

  Push.

  “I want to taste,” he whispered. He was wolf, he was man, and he wanted to lick his mate into submission.

  She nodded. It was tiny, infinitesimal, but it was a yes.

  Trager lost all reason, pushing her against the wall, and grinding his erection into her hips. She moaned into his mouth, and he broke away to lift her shirt over her head.

  He leaned back to look at his treasure. His mate’s breasts were round and full, and tipped with tight rosebud nipples. She was perfect.

  Everything he needed.

  Trager felt giddy at her beauty.

  “Say something.” Her voice shook, causing his gaze to snap up. The vulnerability in her eyes shocked him. “My… my stomach… I’m sorry. It’s… I
’m sorry.”

  The hell?

  Trager dropped his gaze to the area. But there was nothing wrong. It was soft. Rounded.

  He stared into her eyes. She was blinking rapidly, probably trying not to look away. In that moment, he learned something important about her. His mate, as confident and fearless as she’d proven to be, had zero confidence in her own body. She’d been treated poorly. Somewhere down the line someone had made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. Like she owed whoever undressed her, an apology.

  It made him shake with anger. Made his wolf gnash for revenge…

  But Kerrigan came first.

  He stroked the corner of her mouth with his thumb. “You take my breath away. You’re everything I imagined, but even better.”

  Her eyes flared wide.

  “That’s right. I’ve been thinking about you every day I’ve been away. You’ve haunted my dreams. I wished to see you like this, to feel you. And now that I have…” He dropped his forehead to hers, palmed her breast. “Exquisite.”

  A whimper escaped as she pushed her chest harder into his hand.

  He pulled her hair until her eyes lifted to his. “You will never apologize for your body again. Do you understand me?” He would show her how beautiful she was. She’d never doubt again.

  “Yes,” she breathed.

  Another yes. He was collecting them for that day when she said no. He wanted to remember all the yeses.

  Reverently, he kissed her neck, making his way back to her breasts. When he licked one pebbled tip, Kerrigan went slack, slumping against the wall. Trager grinned against her skin, lapping at the spot before sucking it between his lips.

  She gasped. “Trager.”

  Oh, yes. His name from her lips. He slammed his mouth to hers, tongue taking, taking, and giving.

  “This. This is why I stayed away. I didn’t want to rush things. But with you, I’m desperate. I can’t control myself. How do you do this to me? Make me crazy?”

  She shrugged, kissing him back just as fiercely. “Dunno. Same way you make me crazy?” She skimmed her hand down his chest, her fingers curling. “This isn’t how I do things. I’m careful. I’m… I’m…”

  Yeah. He wanted to wipe that careful streak right out. He wanted to make her as reckless for him as he was for her.

  “Your bed, where is it?” Nibbling at her earlobe distracted her from answering, so he paused.

  “Um, door on the left.”

  In one smooth move, he’d lifted her into his arms and started for the room.

  “Whoa! Wait. You can’t carry me.” She stiffened.

  “I can, and I am.”

  He laid her on the bed before yanking his shirt over his head and removing his shoes. He left his jeans on even though they were squeezing him too tightly. Judging by her expression, she liked what she saw. He kneeled beside her, on the bed, running his palms all over her exposed skin.

  “I want to see the rest of you.”

  Slowly, like he was unwrapping a cupcake, he peeled her pants down, exposing her black cotton panties and the sweet curve of her thighs. He pulled them from around her ankles and tossed them on the floor.

  Trager ran a hand roughly over his mouth. Like this, with nothing but a scrap of thin fabric covering her, he could smell her arousal strongly. He needed to do something about it. He needed to satisfy her in some way. His wolf cried for it.

  He popped the button of his jeans, and slid the zipper down some, to give his cock relief.

  She sawed her legs together, her breath coming in heaves. Mewling sounds escaped her lips.

  “Kerrigan…” Bending so his chest brushed hers, he clenched his teeth at the sweet sensation of skin against skin. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

  His hand slid down her belly, while he teased her nipples with his mouth. Working his fingers into her panties, he felt the little patch of soft hair, and then… wetness. She was drenched. His nose told him she was ready, but this was proof. For a second, he marveled in the knowledge that he’d done this. That she was lost to his touch, moaning, and wet because of him.

  Wolf wanted a taste. Trager wanted a taste. Needed it, if he ever hoped to draw another breath.

  His movements rough, he jerked her panties down her legs, and settled between her thighs. He took one second to admire her sweet spot before he spread her open.

  “Wait, no.”

  She started to sit up, but he held her down with one hand on her belly. Half snarling, he met her eyes over the valley of her breasts, daring her to say no again. Wolf would accept nothing less than her total submission on this. The only way he was backing down was if she got scared.

  With a helpless sound, she dropped her head back to the pillow and spread her legs for him.

  Trager gave her one long lick. Closing his eyes, he moaned, because after days, he was finally able to taste her arousal on his tongue. Again, he licked, sinking his tongue into her soft folds, getting lost in her and never wanting to be found.

  When her thighs began to quiver and her small fist pounded the mattress, he let up, teasing her, kissing and gently blowing.

  “More,” she moaned.

  He intensified his actions, bringing her close, and then easing back. Close, and then back. Soft, and then hard. Once they reached the cliff of her orgasm, he wanted to push her so far over the edge she’d never find her way back.

  She’d never forget him. She’d never leave him. She’d never reject him.

  Kerrigan shuddered, crying out, as she came apart under his tongue. She writhed against him, for what seemed like forever. But he never wanted her to stop.

  Eventually, she settled, and he rose up to stare at her. She was gorgeous, flushed and relaxed, with her hair spread all over the pillow. Satisfaction like nothing else filled him, to the brim. This was his woman, and he’d pleasured her fully.

  Her eyes opened a fraction. “Trager?”

  He swallowed back his emotion. “Yes, love?”

  “Was that… okay?”

  He laid down beside her, pulling her into his arms. His erection was painful, but he hardly cared. His wolf would handle it. “It was perfect. Fucking beautiful.” He nuzzled her neck, memorizing the way her scent changed.

  “What about you?” Her eyes blinked closed and didn’t open.

  “You’re too tired right now, for what I want to do to you.”

  “But… it’s your turn.”

  “Turn? There are no ‘turns.’”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He softly kissed the rosy blush of her cheek. “When I have my turn, it’s going to be inside of you, and with my mark.”

  “I don’t know what that means,” she mumbled, sleepily.

  “I know.”

  Trager felt her drift off seconds later. As her breathing deepened, he realized there had never been a more perfect moment in his life. His woman satisfied and resting in his arms… he finally felt like the wolf he was meant to be. He hadn’t realized he’d been floundering all these years. Sure, he knew he was nothing without a mate, been told so his whole life. But until this moment, he hadn’t realized how true it was.

  He reached for the blanket to cover her, but she stirred.

  “Are you leaving?” Her words were slurred and sad.

  “No, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Ever, his wolf growled.

  Chapter Ten

  Kerrigan awoke to the smell of bacon and coffee. Muted light filtered through the shade on her bedroom window, and it took her several seconds to remember what happened last night.

  An array of feelings assaulted her. So many, she couldn’t put a name to them all. She was a little embarrassed. Trager had…

  She squeezed her legs together, and rolled onto her side.

  Ethan had done that once. And only once. He’d complained that he didn’t like how it tasted. The whole conversation had mortified her, and they’d never broached the subject again.

  But Trager, he’d wanted to. H
ad seemed mad when she tried to stop him.

  More and more, she was beginning to think that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d simply been with the wrong man all this time.

  Sitting up, she spotted the note on the pillow.

  You sleep like the dead. Come to the kitchen.

  Kerrigan snorted. He was right. She really did sleep hard. Always had.

  She rose and made her way to the shower, quickly scrubbing clean, and taming her hair. Then she slipped into her fluffy robe—she’d ripped her sexy one to shreds after Ethan’s treachery—and went to find Trager in the kitchen.

  Wearing nothing but jeans with the button undone, he looked take-your-breath-away yummy. She could hardly believe he’d stayed last night. He was whisking eggs in a bowl. When he spotted her, he grinned.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” In the shower, she’d prayed this wouldn’t be awkward.

  He set the bowl down and strolled over to her. Without any warning, he scooped her up, setting her on the counter. How could he do that? Last night, he’d picked her up like she weighed no more than a sack of potatoes.

  Hands on her thighs, he spread her legs and stepped in between them. Taking her face in both hands, he kissed her, long and deep.

  When he pulled back, he asked, “How do you like your eggs?”

  Kerrigan blinked. So… not awkward then. She couldn’t help her grin.

  “Scrambled is perfect.”

  “Good.” He turned and finished beating the eggs.

  While she waited for breakfast to cook, she made them both coffee, got the plates out of one of the boxes on the floor, and managed to find some napkins.

  “So…” Trager said, when they were seated and eating. “Tell me what happened with your job.”

  The forkful of eggs she’d just shoved in her mouth turned to sawdust. Kerrigan managed to swallow. She’d have to talk about it sometime. It was just that her life had been in disarray for so long now. Ups and downs seemed to get mixed up in each other so that she couldn’t tell which was which anymore.

  Trager felt like an up. But she was moving, so did that make him a down?

  She sighed. “I taught Kindergarten. Funding was cut, so they decided to expand the class number and cut a teacher. I got cut. I applied everywhere I could think of, but nobody is hiring. Could always find work doing something else, I suppose. But teaching… is what I love.”