Merrily Mated (Ouachita Mountain Shifters 3) Page 2

  She was for him, no question. It was a feeling in his gut he couldn’t ignore. The cats called it instinct, and even though he was human as fuck, he felt it.

  Ryan pulled out his phone and unlocked the screen. A picture of Layna filled the space. He’d been looking at it a lot lately. Practically every five minutes as he was packing. It helped settle his resolve. He was leaving for her as much as himself.

  Staring at the screen, his ass hit the edge of the bed and the air eased out of his lungs. She was chest-achingly beautiful with her dark Native features, eyes that were the green of river moss, and thick hair that hung past her ass. Her mouth always drew his attention, the way her lower lip was full and pouty, even when she was smiling like she was when he’d snuck this shot in. He wanted it for the times when he and Renner’s crew went on the road. So he could feel closer to her even when he was away. If she knew he had this in his phone, she’d lay into him good. And not in the way he wanted.

  He’d never taken another woman to bed as long as he’d been part of the clan. It didn’t seem right to, considering what a sensitive topic it was for the cats. Sure, others did. Mason, for one, had a different woman every night. Like he was trying to work his way through the world’s female population. The guy was a living breathing fuck marathon.

  It was different for Ryan, though. He didn’t want to be with anyone besides Layna. Even if she’d shut him down soundly in the beginning. But the nights were lonely, and sometimes he’d pull this picture up and stare at it until he fell asleep, scheming and planning for a future with her that she didn’t want.

  He’d asked her out. On a legitimate date. Because he’d wanted to do things right with her. He was going to take her to dinner at that fancy restaurant in Little Rock and then ring in the New Year drinking champagne under the stars from the bed of his pickup truck. He’d kiss her at midnight and take her home and hope she’d say yes when he asked her out the next time.

  But they didn’t get that far.

  She’d stuttered out a, “You’re human. What would a human know about making a cougar happy?” And then got busy answering phones before he could come up with a response.

  He’d licked his wounds for a week and then got to work learning all he could about her kind. He couldn’t regret that time. It brought him closer to the clan, and gave him friendships he’d keep for life.

  It was June before Ryan asked her again. They’d grown closer over the months and he’d felt like he was truly one of them. Like they’d accepted him. Like he was part of their family. He’d formed a successful construction firm with her brother and had established himself. Proven he wasn’t going anywhere, and wasn’t giving up on her.

  That time, he’d gotten the nerve in the dining room after dinner. Everyone else had left to settle in for the night, but he and Layna stayed, laughing about Mrs. Markel and the quirky stories she liked to regale them with every time she came for a visit at the lodge. The woman was as spunky as the day she was born. Of that, Ryan was sure.

  When their laughter died down and Layna continued smiling at him, he thought he’d done it. What could a human know about making a cougar happy? Well, he must have figured it out because she was grinning from ear to ear, those beautiful eyes shining like stars in the dark.

  And full of hope, he’d asked.

  But it was the wrong thing to do, because he lost her smile to the moment and her eyes dulled to nothing before looking away.

  “I can’t,” she’d said.

  He knew about the no mating pact the cats followed, but he was only asking for a date. One day at a time. And besides, Renner had mated Ryan’s sister, so there were exceptions.

  “If it’s the pact—”

  “It’s you,” she blurted. “You need to learn what the word no means.”

  Her words were a slap to the cheek, stunning him until he could eventually draw in a breath. He knew what no meant. Was that what this was?

  Somehow he made his voice level. “You didn’t say no.” If she had, he would’ve stayed away.

  She finally looked at him, and he knew there was more to her denial. “I’m not meant to be with a human.”

  A human. So she saw him as lesser. That’s what this was really about.

  But he wasn’t lower than the cats. He’d fight for her just as hard as any shifter would. He was badass enough to protect her like she deserved. And he could be even stronger if he tried. If this was a matter of proving himself worthy of her like some animal in the wild competing for the right to mate, he could win her.

  He’d straightened his shoulders, determination making his voice rough. “I’ll just have to prove you wrong about that.”

  And he’d spent four damn years trying to be good enough for her. He’d worked with Mason to become stronger, a better fighter. He’d saved his money so he could provide for her, even though she didn’t need him to, and strengthened his business ties in the neighboring communities. He’d given her space while still being her friend.

  All the right things.

  If he could’ve been turned like the were-creatures that exist in the world of Hollywood, he would have. Not because she required it, but because he felt like one of them already.

  Except shifters like Layna were born not created.

  At least he’d thought that was the case until his sister’s friend, Josie, mysteriously became one of them and mated Magic, the clan leader and owner of the lodge. Josie’s turning was the final straw for Ryan. It was that eye-opening pivotal moment that makes you question what the hell you’re doing with your life. A come-to-Jesus thing. The a-ha in Ryan’s quest for Layna: he was never going to be a were, and he was never going to be what she wanted.

  It was time to make his life somewhere else where he wouldn’t pine after her day in and day out. Some place his eyes wouldn’t be constantly pulled in her direction. Some place where he wasn’t always trying to prove his worth. Because he knew he could make some woman happy. He’d kick ass at being a husband. It just wasn’t going to be Layna.

  He sighed, tucking his phone away.

  This was the right choice. If he ever wanted to move on from her, this was what had to happen.

  Knowing something was right didn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it wasn’t much consolation at all, if he was real honest.

  He stood, facing the mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door and pulled his t-shirt over his head to inspect the claw mark on his shoulder. It hurt like a bitch, but Mason was right, it was healing just fine. They’d been sparring when Ryan rattled off a jibe about Mason’s sex marathon. Normally trash talk was part of the game, but Mason’s competitive streak drew his cougar out enough to nick Ryan. Three wide gashes stretched from his shoulder and across the top of his arm.

  It was kind of badass, really, and a cool scar to have. It would be his souvenir from his clan days. He’d look at it when he was like, seventy and remember his family of big cats. Maybe he’d even make up stories about them like Mrs. Markel.

  Aw, shit. It was time to go. Now, before he got anymore sappy. Besides, he’d see them again. He’d be back to visit Bethany and his nephew. Not to mention the new little bundle hitting the lodge in nine months.

  Pulling his shirt back on, he grabbed his stuff and headed for the door. Down the hall past the lobby was Magic’s office. He figured there would be as good a place to start as any. Ryan knocked on the door and waited for his leader’s voice.

  “Come on in.” It wasn’t Magic’s, but Josie’s.

  Ryan stepped into the office and closed the door behind him, setting the suitcase on the floor. Magic sat behind his huge ass desk with Josie draped casually across his lap. It took him a second to drag his gaze from hers, but eventually, his eyes landed on Ryan.

  He frowned, staring at the suitcase. “You heading out?”

  “Yeah, I figured it’d be best to hit Memphis before morning rush hour.”

  Josie slid from Magic’s lap and walked around the desk. “Ry…” Her face was s
crunched in confusion. Who knew what the hell she was taking in with her new feline senses. Maybe she could smell his grief. “Why would you leave now? Everything’s going so well for the clan. And with Beth pregnant… I don’t get it.”

  Her hand fell to her own belly where her young grew. She was right. The clan would be celebrating two new lives soon. Things were good.

  But all of that wasn’t convincing him to stay. In fact, it was pushing him to go. He wanted what she had, what his sister had. A mate, and a young. His own family to care for. Seeing Josie inherit a cat he’d wanted for so many years was just too much right now, and he needed to get his head straight.

  “I need this, Jos. I need to find my…” How could he explain?

  “Your mate,” Magic rumbled, capturing Josie’s attention.

  Ryan shrugged. “I guess that’s one way to say it. Human though,” he reminded, pointing a thumb at his chest. “So… my future, I suppose, is how I’d say it. I need to find my future.”

  Magic raised a knowing eyebrow and fingered the mouse on his desk. “You sure you haven’t already found it?”

  Ryan frowned. Magic had been weird lately. He was happier, but that wasn’t the change. It was more personal. Like he wanted to say something to Ryan but for some reason, never did.

  “I won’t find it here,” Ryan said, quietly, wanting to move it along.

  “But you’ll be back to visit?” Josie asked, her brow creased in worry.

  He forced a smile. “Of course. You know I will.”

  Stepping forward, he went to hug her as he always did, but she ducked away just as a sharp growl sounded from the desk.

  Shit. He forgot, she was mated now, and even an innocent touch could be too much for a male cat to watch. Freshly mated males were volatile creatures from what he knew. Eagan still had trouble with Clara working with a crew of guys. But he used sharp knives on a regular basis, so they’d all used a little extra caution in their day to day interactions with her.

  Ryan lifted his hands in submission. “My bad. Old habits die hard. We’re good.”

  Magic rose slowly from the desk and walked around to Josie, pressing her tight against his side. A small smile curved her lips and her gaze fluttered away.

  “I know you’ve known her longer. And I know you’re a good friend. But I can’t tolerate you touching her when she’s growing my cub.”

  Ryan blew a breath through his lips. “I understand completely, big guy.” And he did. The thought of any male touching Layna left him feeling murderous. That would have to change. He had no claim on her, as the big cats would say. “I best be going now.”

  Magic’s expression eased and he gave Ryan a nod. “You’re one of us,” he said stiffly. Magic could rant the night away, but he was useless at saying the important stuff. “You belong here, but if you need to leave to figure that out, I won’t stop you.”

  Ryan smirked. “Aw, don’t be getting all sappy on me. I love you too, Magic.”

  Magic narrowed his eyes, but his humor showed in the creases around his mouth. “On second thought, go, and never come back.”

  Ryan chuckled sadly. “I’ll see ya around, cat.” His gaze found Josie. She was more than a friend really. She was like a second sister. “Be good, Jos.”

  She grinned, her eyes watering with unshed tears. “I will.”

  Ryan ducked out of the office before any had a chance to fall.

  He’d said his goodbyes to Beth and Renner already. Better to get that out before he packed. Beth had cried, and he felt shitty for putting her through this right now. But she was strong, and she had Ren to fall back on. He was confident his little sister would be okay.

  Mason wasn’t easy either, and he’d taken care of that goodbye this morning while the girls were out shopping. The cat was exceedingly pissed at him, but he’d get over it. Mason was as level as a shifter could be. More like a normal human even. Maybe that’s why the two of them hit it off so well.

  Ryan dragged air into his lungs and let it out on a painful sigh.

  There was only one person left, and she was nowhere to be found. He’d tried her room, the kitchen, even the spa which she only ever visited if she was looking for Bethany. He knew the girls had returned from shopping because Beth had given him his Christmas present early.

  So where was Layna?

  Leaving his suitcase in the lobby, where several employees were packing up the fall decorations, he went outside to look for her. He checked the boathouse, the barn, and the hot pool.

  No Layna.

  He walked the trail that would take him to the clan cabins. Still no sign of her.

  Ryan stared into the thick tangle of almost bare tree branches. Maybe she’d taken to the woods to let her cougar run.

  At the thought of her cat, he felt all the blood in his body rush south. His growing erection pounded behind his zipper. Layna’s cougar was the most beautiful animal he’d ever seen. Golden fur, dark on the tips. Powerful, lithe body that pranced when it wasn’t in a hurry. But her eyes… those enchanting eyes with their long, dark lashes that looked so much like her human ones. Those eyes turned him on better than any naked body he’d seen to date.

  Ryan squeezed his eyes closed. He couldn’t think like this now. Not when he had to find the strength to tell her goodbye.

  If he could ever find her.

  It wasn’t lost on him that he’d be able to sniff her out, hunt her, if he was a shifter.

  Damn the irony.

  Taking the trail to the back side of the lodge, he scanned the woods as he went, looking for any flash of gold that could be his cougar. But there was still no sign of her.

  In the lobby, he waited. That way he wouldn’t miss her when she returned.

  An hour passed and the sun finished setting over the lake. Ryan watched the orange glow meld into the water as if it was a burning ember being slowly snuffed out. He’d miss this too. Sunsets over the Ouachitas were breathtaking.

  When it was dark outside, and there was still no sign of Layna, he knew it was time to go. The thought of leaving without one last look at her, made his breath hitch, but she’d heard the news by now. If she was staying away, it was because she wanted to.

  Ryan stood and fingered the handle of his suitcase, stalling another minute.

  Gash, the clan’s security guy, strolled into the lobby, a folder open in one hand, and a frown firmly in place as he stared at the contents. He slapped it shut when he spotted Ryan.

  “Thought you were already gone, man.”

  Gash was a newer member of the Ouachita clan, and a bit rough around the edges, but Ryan liked him okay. He had a feeling the cat had secrets, but he’d come to the right place if he was hoping nobody would pry. As long as he did his job and treated the others with respect, no one here would go digging.

  “I’m on my way out. I was just waiting…” There was no good way to finish that so he didn’t.

  Gash nodded slowly. Maybe he caught what Ryan was throwing down, maybe he didn’t. But the great thing about Gash was he kept other people’s secrets too.

  “Yeah, alright. I’ll see ya around then.”

  “See ya.”

  Ryan watched him disappear down the employee wing until jingle bells sounded from the front entrance. They were there every year like clockwork, the giant ones that were the size of a child’s fist and made enough noise to wake zombies. The lobby was the first place to get decorated and the door was the first to get bells. It was the first chance to give guests a dose of Christmas spirit, Magic would say.

  Slowly, Ryan turned to find his cat standing in the entryway and his chest locked up, refusing to give him air. She stood still as a statue, her dark eyes flashing brighter green with the nearness of her animal. Her hair was mussed, and a tiny twig stuck out from behind her ear.

  She’d definitely been in the woods.

  In leggings and an oversized sweater, she gave him one of those warm and fuzzy visions he’d never admit to having. Men like him were supposed to chase
tail, not imagine snuggling with a warm female. But he could picture them sitting by a fire, drinking hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps, her curled in his lap while they shared their dreams for the coming year.

  Damn it, maybe this was an age thing. Maybe mid-thirties was when male goals turned from fucking to settling down. Whatever the case, he needed to find the thing that would satisfy that urge or he’d go crazy.

  “Thought you’d be gone already.” Her voice whipped through him, snapping all his nerves to attention. Like his body was programmed to focus on her anytime she was speaking. He was tuned to her frequency.

  “I wouldn’t leave without seeing you.”

  “Right.” Her eyes bore into him. “You didn’t even tell me. I found out you were going from your sister.”

  He nodded, never taking his gaze from her. Her sharp jaw was clenched tight and her shoulders rigid. She was mad.

  If she was angry he was leaving… did that mean she cared?

  The tiniest bud of hope unfurled in his chest, and he opened his mouth to ask her. What could it hurt now, if he asked one last time?

  But before he could get the words out, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, “You’re putting us all in a bind, you realize that, right? Christmas is coming and there’s a lot of work to do. And you… you’re just leaving. Renner will have to work overtime instead of spending time with Beth and Rhys.”

  Ryan let her words batter his chest as they flew. Of course this was why she was angry. Because he was making things harder for the clan. Making a little extra work for everybody. It had nothing to do with the fact that he’d be gone from her life.

  He swallowed the words he’d prepared. There was no use for them. None of them. Not the goodbye he’d rehearsed. Not the new ones he’d just found to ask her one last time if she’d have him.

  The idea of what he’d almost done left him feeling pathetic, but staring at her in the doorway, he couldn’t care. This was it. This was the last time he’d see her until he’d stuffed his feelings into a box and locked it tight.